inside voices

a love note about losing and finding the words that move us forward

The other day when I returned home from running errands, I turned off the car and sat in the driveway. The news droned on but I couldn’t hear it through the ringing in my ears. I cried. In a country currently ravaged by natural disasters, random violence, blatant racism/sexism/prejudice, casual aggression, and cultural/political divide, I admit that lately I have too often surrendered to feeling hopeless. I have stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep as fear for the future runs amok in my head. This is not “me” but I have stayed with it.

It has to be felt to move through.

Staring bleary-eyed at nothing, I thought about my kids and how I have tried to help them process what’s happening around them. Very uncharacteristically, finding the right words has not come easily for me. Worse than the right ones being lost, the words that do come out are tinged with the despair I’m trying so hard to protect them from. I know what this is - it’s overwhelm. I help people work through this very place for a living, for gracious sake. But I was mired in it.

Over the years, a soul-friend of mine and I have offered the same simple comfort to one another when we’re down - if you’re laying on your back in the gutter, find the stars. I heard her voice in my head as I closed my eyes and pictured our 12yo daughter waving as she confidently got out of the car, dressed head to toe in mismatched everything, her sweet face maturing and her heart wiser. And our 19yo son arriving home from work each evening with his octagonal glasses and wonderful toothy grin, eager to share stories from the day - his eyes shining with pride in his growing independence.

And my words came back - for me, for them, for you.

Try again, listen to your gut, use your voice, stand for who and what you believe in even if you stand alone, be kind to others and gentle with yourself. Move your beliefs from your head to your hands. One day at a time, together.

we are brave and kind,

XOXO tiff